Thursday, May 26, 2011

May 27 2011

In every dream I have I seem to be going somewhere but before I can reach the finish-line, I wake up. Sometimes, I'll be going back to my past (Like it's a tourist spot) yet in other dreams I'm heading somewhere to a hazy uncertain future.

Like my life, really.

Every dream is filled with people I have known both well, and by chance for the merest moments. There is a whole slew of people I may have been the best of friends with in my past but as I get older the drugs I so wantonly indulged in before, make those faces in my dreams nothing more than wisps. Recognizable for a second and wiped into gray the next. I can tell they know me and some adore me, but just like now the familiarity is all I have left to cling to. And that's a tenuous grip, at best.

They all seem to know where they are heading. Shit, I wish theyd let me in on the big secret.

Right now in the garage while smoking a shoot-my-own, I thought about that. Everyone in my dreams knows where they are going and Im following along. Like the white rabbit, late and stressed. Is it some version of heaven that they are off to find? Is it some badass rave? Is it a barmitzvah? Fuck if I know, but they all seem to be happy to get closer.

So I then figured I may as well start recording my dreams. Perhaps I'll piece it together. As long as I maintain honesty about each entry into this journal, I should accomplish a few things. I may be able to piece together why my head is so fucked up, and hopefully figure out why, even when I sleep, I'm a slacker.